ebernick 
Recently I returned to a well-known large department store to exchange an item of clothing which was too small for me (I know…I need to lose weight). Whilst I was waiting in the “Goods Return” section, I noticed an adjoining office through its door which was standing slightly ajar (the one in the photo).
At first you can’t seem to see too much, but take a closer look. You can see enough to realize that the owner of this office is not in control. Yes, I know that some people say that even if their desk is untidy they know exactly what is where, but this office is way out of control.
There seems to be clutter sticking out from everywhere. Chaos rules supreme in this office! You have to wonder whether the employee in this office can really be productive. Can you imagine this person being in control of their work? Unlikely, and this situation probably extends into their lives as well.
What meaningful lesson is there in this photo for us?
I am pretty sure that the employee who operates out of this office also experiences turmoil in his or her life in general. No doubt this situation cannot contribute to a life of contentment and productivity. This person is definitely not in control of their work (and the same likely holds true for their life)
A long time mentor of mine impressed me many years ago with his approach to life. He often told me that if I want to be successful in life, I need to “be in control” of every aspect of my life. Since then I have often realised that when things went wrong in my life, I was “not in control”. My life reflected a situation similar to what you see in this photo….confusion and disorder. When your life is a muddle, it is very difficult to find direction.
Once I took appropriate action to bring things back under my control, my life quickly got back on track. Taking control of your life has numerous components to it, if we want to get specific about where to take control. It all starts with knowing and understanding yourself. Earlier we mentioned that it will be a challenge to find direction if your life is in disarray. But you first need to know where you are going before you can find direction.
Where are you going? Do you have goals for yourself? Are they written down? If not, write them down now, or continue to flounder! More importantly, know, or find, your life purpose.
Next, take control of your thoughts! Everything starts with a thought. If you think you are weak, then you will act weak. If you want to act confidently, then choose thoughts which will support your self-worth (you will find free downloads on my website – www.eberhardniklaus.com – which include exercises designed to help you build your self-worth). For example, if you are a sales person, see yourself closing the sale before you even get to the sales call.
A technique which is very useful in taking control when you are in a confrontational situation, is to make effective use of questions. Questions control the conversation. If your approach is to “attack” with your “so-called” facts, it will usually be met with a similar rebuttal, sending the situation into a downwards spiral. Instead, ask smart questions. A smart question is a question which will point the conversation into a predetermined direction, with the end result already clear in your mind.
The purpose of this technique is not to “win the argument”, but to offer the other person the opportunity of understanding your point of view (and as Stephen Covey suggests in his book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, seek first to understand the other persons point of view as well, which is also accomplished by asking questions)
Questions are the answer. In many situations, using intelligent questions really helps with being in control, so get good at it.
If a customer is very unhappy with you, even to the point of being abusive, one of the best ways to take control of the situation is to ask questions. Asking questions enables you to take control of the conversation, including emotional aspects of the situation. Good questions have the potential of empowering you to resolve the situation.
If you think about it, it definitely is an enjoyable experience when you feel in control of your life. The opposite is true when you feel that certain aspects of your life are not under control. For example, how do you feel when the following scenarios are relevant?
- Your tax return is behind schedule
- Important relationships in your life are undergoing stress
- A work or study deadline is looming, and you have not even started
- Your finances are all over the place
- Repairs around the house should have been done weeks ago
- Your health goals are not being met
- You last phoned your mom who lives on her own 3 weeks ago
It definitely is not a comfortable feeling when things are out of control in your life. For a moment, imagine the opposite of the above scenarios all being true. How do you feel now?
It certainly is worth the effort to take the necessary actions (initiated by the appropriate thoughts) to be in control of all aspects of your life. It takes some effort, but once the habit is ingrained in a person, it is no longer an effort, and the rewards are well worth it, wouldn’t you agree? (Right there I am taking some control by asking you to agree with me…. Smile)
(Eberhard Niklaus is an author, speaker, facilitator, business coach and trainer. His business coaching programme “Developing the art of crafting a winning team”, has helped many sales and business teams to maximize performance, productivity and profitability)
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